Need help with a funny wedding speech or maid of honor/best man toast? Giving a talk at a benefit, banquet, Bar/Bat Mitzvah? Hire Comedy Writers and Comedians to personalize toasts and short speeches for any event or occasion. Contact us today for pricing and details.
EMAIL: TheComedyConsultant@gmail.com
1) You fill out a questionnaire and/or provide any relevant information, material you want used. 2) We write custom jokes based off of that. (In most cases, you will have at least 3+ pages to choose from!) 3) You highlight only the jokes/lines you really like and want to say. 4) From there, we put the whole thing together into a traditional toast format with a beginning, middle, and “raise a glass” at the end. 5) We rewrite and touch-up, as needed. Click for client Reviews.
WEDDING SPEECH TESTIMONIALS“Amazing and hilarious! Had my entire crowd in tears from laughter” -Tabby G., TN
“I emailed Jeff as a hailmary before my sister’s wedding… Essentially he went through my whole speech and threw in jokes all over that went along with what I was already talking about. He also gave me a bunch of intro jokes that I could pick from along with a page full of jokes that I could insert throughout my speech. Jeff was amazing and you could tell he really cared/took pride in his work. I’d highly recommend them for any speeches. I’ll definitely be using their services again in the future!” -Abe V., Long Island NY
Blog Post – 13 Free Toast Jokes (NOT FOR WEDDING)
This is the 15th consecutive wedding I am at without a date. At this point, I’m not even confident I’ll have a date to my own wedding. I’ve become southern looking to pick up women at family gatherings…
But, wasn’t that a beautiful wedding earlier today? It was so quick and well organized, it was like it never even happened. (*Because it didn’t. It was the day before.)
BRETT and JENN — Happy 1 day anniversary!!! Is that spark still there??? Or is that just nervous gas from having to talk to family? When I was asked to do this roast, I mean toast — I was excited to share my thoughts on this special occasion… BRETT what can I say? You’ve really been like a mother, err brother to me. The other week he said, “Don’t you have to make a living?” Apparently, now I’m an only child and I have 3 parents. But, BRETT – he’s always been there for me… as long as the inconvenience of having a brother was minimal. By the way, do you have an extra bedroom at your house?
BRETT – I love you like a brother. You’re like my brother from the same mother. JEN – I love you like the sister I never had who hopefully is going to hook me up with her hot friends. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness… and an afterlife of happiness, as well.
WEDDING SPEECH SAMPLEWhen my older brother JACK asked me to give a toast at his wedding it occurred to me that this was not only a great honor but also an amazing opportunity to get even. Like all brothers we did fight from time to time. FROM SEVEN TO NOON. ONE TO SIX. EIGHT TO TWELVE. Of course, no one believed that Jack would ever beat me up. I mean, as a teenager he had long hair, a beard, and claimed he wrote the Bible. And Jesus would never do that! At least, not without sawdust and a ball-peen hammer.
But, the truth is that JACK has always been an awesome brother and friend. He is definitely my favorite brother! And definitely my only one!
I remember visiting him when he was a single student living alone with his canned meat. And sadly, that’s not even a pun about his romantic endeavors. Or, lack thereof. JACK had this organic garden and he would be out there squishing bugs and pulling weeds. The only thing he wasn’t doing was plowing. JACK prepared a dinner with the food he had grown and I was pretty impressed. My brother can really cook. But, something was missing. Like any semblance of a social life or interest from a woman within an 80 mile radius.
Then, I got a call from JACK and he told me about this woman he’d met on FARMERSHORNY.COM. I wasn’t sure this perfectly amazing woman wasn’t just something that had sprouted up from his imagination. Kinda like those tomatoes he was growing.
To my relief, LISA was not only NOT inflatable but just as smart, sweet, and beautiful as JACK had said!
JACK, LISA. May your life together be as rich and healthy as the food you prepare. On behalf of everyone here, we love you and we hope you’ll never stop inviting us for dinner!
YOUTH BENEFIT TOAST SAMPLEThe only reason we are here today with JOHN S. is because stoning is illegal.
I will start off tonight by telling about JOHN S. and everything he has done for the community. Then, I will tell you the truth. There are a lot of people who have sent congratulatory emails – they are congratulating themselves for not being here tonight. I will never forget the first time we met, although I will continue to try.
This man serves as the best worst example for children around the world. They say that 1 out of every 4 people is unbalanced, in JOHN S.’S family, it is an even 100%. He has been through many phases in his life, everyone of them irritating as hell.
This guy needs one more brain cell to actually let the prozac work…
ANNIVERSARY TOAST SAMPLEIt’s good to be here in Myrtle Beach – or as GRANDMOM now calls it the HOLY LAND. When are you coming to Myrtle Beach? I thought I had to go to Israel, now it’s Myrtle Beach.
70 years of marriage – in this day and age is truly amazing. It’s even more amazing once you get to know them. We were going to have the party on the actual day of their anniversary but that would’ve interrupted GRANDPOP from watching his stocks – for 8 hrs straight.
But, just like a sturdy well built chair, their foundation is strong. See, my GRANDPOP spent his whole life in the furniture business. After his heart attack, my GRANDMOM went with him for 17 years. Then, the year before retiring they trained me to take over. And we all know how that turned out. That’s why I’m here today doing this. Plus, they said they’d throw me a few shekels if I spoke… When my GRANDPOP’s Dad died unexpectedly he was forced to go on his own at a really early age and make a living for the family. He fought in World War II – wielding the flamethrower, got shot in battle, and received a purple heart, part of the greatest generation… My GRANDMOM hasn’t been without struggles. She fought and beat breast cancer. And even more impressive – she put up with my GRANDPOP for 70yrs!
You can tell even when they fight, they’re best friends. Just like a boxspring – their love for one another sometimes shakes, rattles, and reverberates but always bounces back into place. Their love is constant, something you can count on – a rarity in this world today. That’s right, I did more studying about furniture for this toast than I did in 4 years of selling it.
I looked up the other day – the Guiness Book of World Record for the longest marriage is 90 years. Hey, that’s only 20 away! So, I hope we’re back here in 10 years, even 20 years – and I can re-use all the same jokes.
WE ALSO PUNCH UP SPEECHES AND SHORT TOASTS! Click to learn more.