10 Steps: To Quarantine Hell
by: David Levin
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1. Your Mom and Dad are both hospital doctors isolating themselves in a hotel. This leaves you alone with your sister.
2. You already watched and read everything you wanted to and are now binge watching old 50’s and 60’s shows like Leave It To Beaver. (Which you’ve never seen before and now you know why.)
3. Out of sheer boredom, you decide to join some OnlyFans profiles… not knowing nudity is involved.
4. On the same day you join, your sister creates an OnlyFans account under an alias.
5. Your sister suddenly wants to borrow your electric toothbrush even though she already has a toothbrush.
6. You find your camera missing and go to confront your sister about it only to discover why she wanted to borrow your toothbrush. (And vow never to use that toothbrush again!)
7. The walls in the house are paper thin, so you hear your sister filming for her OnlyFans.
8. The store is out of earplugs.
9. You pay the $20 subscription fee for your sister’s alias OnlyFans, only for her to launch a limited get the first month free promotion the next day.
10. On top of the $20, you spend a fortune shipping expedited lotion from Amazon due to additional Covid-19 costs. At this point the realization hits you- your tears of shame make an even better lubricant.
1 Step: To Quarantine Bliss
1. Because your parents are worried they could be infected, they decide not to wait any longer to tell you that you’re adopted.
David Levin is a comedian, writer, and regular contributor to thecomedyconsultant.com. For more, check his page out on YouTube.